Caregiver resentment can happen to anyone at any stage of the caregiving process. But this form of resentment can feel uncomfortable, confusing, depressing, and shameful. You might struggle to share how you feel with others because you don’t want to be judged. Or, you may worry that you’re complaining too much and burdening people with potential negativity. If you’re struggling, here are some gentle guidelines to consider.
Make Space For Your Feelings
Being a caregiver is incredibly hard work. No matter how rewarding it is- or how important this job is to you- it’s still arduous. Sometimes it’s completely thankless.
Managing any form of resentment starts with acknowledging your feelings. For example, you may be angry or upset by circumstances that feel unjust. You may note that you’re experiencing anticipatory grief– you’re worried about what will happen to your loved one or you’re struggling to cope with their physical or cognitive changes. You might also experience guilt about missing out on other relationships or needs.
Although your feelings may feel scary, owning them can be empowering. There’s something quite liberating about labeling your truth.
Figure Out What You Resent
What part of your caregiving duties do you resent the most? Try to get as specific as possible, as honing it down may give you some guidance about how you can make some changes.
For example, maybe you’re a family caregiver, and you resent that no other family member has stepped up to help you. This is common, but it may speak to you needing to call a family meeting to discuss delegating certain caregiving tasks.
Maybe you resent that your spouse is no longer able to participate in the activities you once enjoyed together. This may mean that you might benefit from participating in caregiver support groups where you can connect with other individuals experiencing similar losses.
Even if you can’t identify viable solutions for managing your resentments, labeling them can help you avoid suppressing or denial. This is important for fully experiencing your emotions and letting go of the resentments you feel.
Develop a Grounding Ritual
Grounding rituals entail structured interventions you can use when you feel yourself becoming overwhelmed. A grounding ritual might include:
- repeating an affirmative word or phrase that brings you a sense of comfort
- writing down 3-5 things you feel grateful for
- stepping outside and taking a 10-minute walk
- calling a supportive loved one who won’t try to judge or fix your venting
- engaging in a spiritual ritual like praying
These rituals may not necessarily fix your frustration in the moment. But they can be an important part of regulating stress and supporting your overall well-being. They may also prevent you from acting out on your immediate emotions.
Be Realistic With Your Caregiving Capacities
Resentment sometimes emerges when you or other family members have unrealistic expectations about the caregiving process.
However, even professional caregivers know their limitations. For example, you can control your presence, schedule, and how you engage or delegate certain caregiving tasks. You can’t control your loved one’s emotions, responsiveness to treatment, or how other family members perceive you.
Consider Respite Care Services
Having breaks at any job is important, and you shouldn’t be shouldering caregiving responsibilities 24/7. Respite care offers practical relief, and it may be essential if you’re a primary caregiver.
Even if seeking help makes you feel somewhat guilty, it’s still important to set boundaries for taking care of yourself. You deserve to be active in your life and neglecting your own needs can result in steeper emotional consequences later on.
Practice More Self-Care
Many caregivers neglect themselves to take care of their loved ones. Running on fumes isn’t good for your mental health, and it can exacerbate feelings of anger, resentment, loneliness, and depression.
Self-care means deliberately choosing activities that rejuvenate a sense of emotional wellness. Some of these activities are pragmatic (getting enough sleep and eating regularly). Others are more emotionally-based (seeking extra support from friends, spending time engaging in a meaningful hobby, writing down your gratitude).
Self-care alone does not fix resentment. However, it can salve some of the sharpness of this emotion. It can also help you feel more balanced in your daily life.
Therapy for Family Caregivers and Caregiver Burnout
Caregiver stress is real, and it can lead to caregiver burnout. Unfortunately, many people struggle with their anger and resentment in silence. Older adults, in particular, are vulnerable to feeling overwhelmed and alone in their caregiving tasks.
I specialize in all forms of caregiving stress, challenges with chronic illness, and navigating grief and loss. I understand the complex emotions these experiences bring to people, and I value offering a supportive environment for you to express your feelings and needs. Together, we will discuss new ways to manage your resentment so you can feel more peace in daily life.
I welcome you to contact me to schedule your initial consultation.