It’s no secret that the holiday season is riddled with intense expectations and pressure. There are so many societal messages about how we should enjoy the most “wonderful time of the year.” But if your current life circumstances fall outside of these optimal parameters, you may feel overwhelmed, depressed, or lonely.
This year, whether you’re spending the holidays alone due to physical distance, illness, work-related reasons, family conflict, or other reasons, it’s important to still take care of yourself. Here are some gentle reminders that may help you in the coming months.
Let Yourself Have Your Feelings
The holiday season may evoke intense feelings of sadness, anger, guilt, loneliness, or resentment- and any of these feelings are okay. Your experiences are valid, and you’re allowed to let yourself honor whatever comes up.
For many people, the holidays magnify feelings of grief. For example, maybe after the loss of a loved one, certain family gatherings no longer feel the same- or certain rituals have disappeared altogether. Or you no longer feel as festive after a family estrangement, divorce, or your children leaving home. Even old grief that feels relatively resolved may become more elevated this time of year, and that’s very common.
‘Feeling your feelings’ isn’t the same as liking how you feel. After all, nobody wants to feel sad or angry. But resisting or suppressing how you feel often makes those feelings even more intense. So, instead, practice naming your emotions and acknowledging them to yourself.
Aim to Maintain Realistic Expectations
Research shows that a staggering 62% of people experience ‘very or somewhat’ elevated stress levels during the winter holidays. Only 10% report feeling no stress at all. Experiencing the holidays alone may heighten stress, especially if you’re the type of person who likes spending these days with others.
Holding yourself to unrealistic expectations, however, may exacerbate emotional pain. When you focus on what you should be doing or what you wish was happening, you lose contact with the present reality, and your mood might suffer.
You can start to shift your expectations by trying to release your should statements. Shoulds sound like, I should be spending time with close friends, or, I should be enjoying the true spirit of the holidays, or I should be enjoying Christmas Day with my loved ones.
While the shoulds may highlight what you want or value in life, they can also magnify loneliness. Instead of shaming yourself for not abiding by such expectations, it can be empowering to permit yourself to accept what is in this moment.
This doesn’t mean you don’t have your feelings; you don’t have to “be grateful” to be alone or believe in any perspective that doesn’t feel authentic to you. But trying to force yourself into “making the most” of these special days may actually make you feel worse.
With that, it’s also important to be gentle with yourself during this time. The holidays often feel like a ‘season of excess,’ and it can be tempting to spend, eat, or drink too much to reconcile loneliness. Even if you do struggle with certain habits, practicing self-compassion can really help. You are only human, and you’re doing the best you can to take care of yourself.
Consider Implementing New Traditions
Regardless of how you typically celebrate the holidays, there’s no reason this can’t be the year to initiate a new tradition. You might decide to choose something that simply honors your current circumstances, including:
- cooking a favorite meal that someone you love used to make
- watching an old movie that you enjoyed as a child
- lighting a candle to honor someone who has died
- curate a special holiday playlist to listen to while getting ready in the morning
- dedicate a few minutes to each holiday to engage in a guided meditation
- spend a few minutes writing in a gratitude journal throughout the holiday season
- giving yourself a small gift that’s meaningful to you
The most important takeaway is that new traditions don’t need to be formal or elaborate to be valuable. Sometimes keeping it simple preserves the joy. Similarly, many people find it fulfilling to try to make some meaning out of their grief process.
Prioritize Connection
Even if you are physically alone right now, there still may be some gentle, low-pressure ways to connect with others. For example, you might decide to send a few holiday cards to coworkers or friends thanking them for how much they mean to you. Or you may decide to spend more time at work surrounded by coworkers just to have more people to talk to during the day.
Here are other some gentle suggestions for staying connected:
Host a virtual holiday gathering: If you are close to friends or family who live far away, consider organizing a virtual celebration. You can plan a holiday meal, play a virtual game, or agree to connect over your favorite holiday drink.
Connect with an online community: Social media offers many opportunities for like-minded individuals to connect online. It may be especially helpful to find groups where others are spending time alone this year- having that shared collective experience can provide an important sense of comfort.
Plan a trip or party for after the holidays: Sometimes people have to spend this time of year alone due to certain circumstances. If that’s the case for you, plan a celebration for the near future. Having an event to look forward to boosts happiness.
Reach out to others: Prioritize time to make phone calls, send texts, or write handwritten letters this time of year. Sharing your gratitude for the people in your life can promote feel-good emotions and help you harness a deeper sense of internal appreciation.
Carve Out Time to Volunteer
Volunteering coincides with numerous health benefits and can significantly impact your well-being during this time of year. If you feel lonely, volunteering exposes you to other people and may help you feel more connected to your community. Here are some options that may be worth considering during the holidays:
- adopt a family or child
- write holiday cards to veterans
- volunteer at a local soup kitchen
- donate to a toy drive
- prepare and deliver holiday meals
- foster a pet or spend time volunteering at an animal shelter
- clean out your closet and donate old clothing
- volunteer at a local storytime at the library
- offer support at a crisis hotline
The goal here is to be mindful of your limits and capacities. Don’t overextend yourself- this will exacerbate fatigue and may lead to resentment. Instead, focus on what feels right to you, and remind yourself that any act of kindness can make a difference in this world (and to you!).
Create Limits Around Social Media Use
Research shows a correlation between increased social media use and depression. The relationship is nuanced; it’s unclear if people who experience depression are more likely to use social media or if social media contributes to depression.
But, with that in mind, if you regularly engage in social media, be mindful that content during this time of year may feel triggering. Seeing all those images of happy families and holiday cheer may magnify your loneliness.
With that, think about how you can create boundaries for yourself. Some people find it helpful to avoid social media altogether on the big holidays (Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s Day). You might also think about setting a time limit for how and when you go online.
Therapy for Depression or Loneliness in Austin, TX
Feeling lonely during the holidays can be especially hard, and it’s totally normal to dread this time of year. Loneliness, however, may be a symptom of depression or other mental health concerns.
Therapy can offer grounding, support, and guidance as you navigate the holiday season. As a grief therapist, I also help clients cope with grief during this time of year. You may feel lonely, but you are never alone in your emotional experiences. I would be honored to support you in processing your feelings and difficulties.
Please contact me today to schedule an initial consultation.