The relationship between chronic pain and grief is undoubtedly complicated, with symptoms of one experience potentially exacerbating symptoms of the other. While grief is part of the collective human experience, the complexity of pain can make it challenging to engage in healthy coping skills or take care of yourself during this time.
If you’re struggling with grief, chronic pain, or other co-occurring mental health concerns, please know that you’re not alone. Treatment can help provide you with support and skills as you navigate this time. In addition, here are some gentle guidelines that may help you.
Can Chronic Pain Cause Grief?
Chronic pain can absolutely cause or magnify feelings related to grief. Life with chronic pain often entails a significant sense of upheaval- there are emotional, physical, and logistical considerations that require diligence and attention.
Subsequently, many patients with chronic pain experience grief over:
- loss of physical abilities, mobility, and stamina
- changes in the capacity to work or disruption to your career
- impact on relationships and/or increasing feelings of social isolation
- loss of future dreams and sense of identity
These losses are real and valid, and they deserve to be witnessed. In some cases, this grief becomes more complicated or embodies symptoms of more serious depression or anxiety.
Does Grief Make Chronic Pain Worse?
Grief can exacerbate chronic pain symptoms. Because grief coincides with stress, the body’s fight-or-flight system may become overactive. Stress hormones like cortisol may aggravate inflammation, and this can worsen pain. With that, many people with autoimmune conditions report that their mental health directly impacts their physical pain.
Furthermore, grief can disrupt sleep patterns, and sleep is, of course, an essential component of pain management. Sleep deprivation- or even poor-quality sleep- may increase pain sensitivity.
You may also find it hard to lean on your usual coping strategies when simultaneously processing loss and grief. For example, eating a well-balanced diet or getting enough physical movement, may feel like daunting tasks. Changes in your normal daily life may affect your energy levels, and this can impact pain symptoms.
Furthermore, acute or chronic sorrow may also cause actual pain. We store emotional experiences in the body, and pain can manifest as headaches, chest tightness, GI symptoms, and more.
How to Cope With Coexisting Chronic Pain and the Grieving Process
The co-occurring nature of chronic illness with the grieving process may feel like a cruel punishment. Reducing pain both physically and emotionally can certainly feel like a virtuous goal. However, it may not be entirely realistic.
Instead, chronic pain patients benefit from engaging in themes of acceptance, mindfulness, and proactive coping strategies These all have numerous health benefits that can improve your quality of life.
Identify and Validate Your Emotions
No matter your specific circumstances, you’re allowed to embrace your sadness, anger, longing, and fear. These emotions speak to your inner world, and they matter.
Many patients suffering from chronic pain are used to feeling invalidated or disregarded. Maybe you have been ignored by healthcare providers or dismissed by family members. Perhaps you deeply know the frustration of worrying about how others perceive you.
More than anything, it’s so important to be able to lean into your own emotions. This allows you to feel connected to yourself, and it can actually mitigate additional suffering. You can practice identifying your emotions by:
- simply noting how you feel in your body and naming it internally
- writing down the various sensations that come to mind when you think about what you’re experiencing in the here and now
- asking yourself, “What might another person be feeling in this situation?”
- meditating and noting what various sensations, thoughts, or feelings arise
Stay Open to Coping Strategies
When it comes to managing chronic pain or coping with a significant death, it’s really important to take things slowly and pay close attention to how you feel. Yesterday may not be indicative of today, and you might also feel much different tomorrow than you do right now.
That said, it can be helpful to start listing down positive coping skills you can refer to when the grief feels overwhelming. Ideally, these strategies are compassionate without placing any additional strain on your body.
Some ideas include:
- journaling about your thoughts and feelings for a set period of time
- watching a comfort show, movie, or listening to a favorite song
- taking a warm bath or shower with your favorite soaps and/or candles
- reaching out to a supportive friend
- engaging in gentle movement, including yoga, stretching, or tai chi
Practice More Mindfulness
Mindfulness may be the very last thing you want to do while navigating grief and loss, but it can be one of the most important gifts you offer yourself. When you’re truly in the present moment, you have a better awareness of the here and now. You feel more conscious and connected to yourself and others, and you may not feel as stuck in the past or concerned about the future.
You can engage in mindfulness by:
Body scan meditation: Once a day, give yourself five or so minutes to fully rest and take a few moments to draw more attention to your body. Start this exercise from the top of your head and move down the body progressively until reaching your toes. Note any sensations that you experience without judging or attaching meaning to them.
Deep breathing: People suffering from chronic pain can experience anything from hyper-specific localized pain to full-body discomfort. However, in all cases, deep breathing can create a sense of spaciousness and slow down your central nervous system. This, in turn, helps reduce stress, which can directly impact which stress hormones are released.
Single-task mindfulness: Single-task mindfulness refers to deliberately engaging in single tasks one at a time. Although this may sound easy enough to do, it can be quite hard in actual practice. You might want to start with short tasks, like brushing your teeth or washing the dishes. Take in the full sensory experience if possible.
Connect to Your Support System
Although grief and pain are common experiences, each of them can feel tremendously isolating. However, we were never meant to manage life on our own, and your social connections can be important for dealing with your feelings and cultivating a sense of hope.
Try to reach out to friends and family and let them know how they can help you during this time. It’s okay to ask for direct support, and it’s also okay to set limits if people are trying to offer you help in ways that don’t actually help you.
If you lack social support, prioritize finding your community or consider trying a grief support group. If you have a disability that makes it challenging to leave home or socialize, look into online groups or platforms where like-minded individuals connect over shared experiences.
Pace Yourself and Prioritize Rest
At times, the physical symptoms of pain may feel so debilitating that you can’t focus much on anything else. This makes sense, and it’s important to honor listening to your body.
Subsequently, some people note that their pain symptoms ebb and flow based on what’s occurring in their lives. You may feel relatively “good” one day, but overexerting yourself can result in steep consequences the very next day. This can make challenging your body’s needs challenging.
The good news is you don’t have to focus on getting it right “perfectly.” Instead, it’s about building a better understanding of your body’s various symptoms, triggers, and reactions. Although rest sometimes coincides with themes of guilt, try to center yourself with self-compassion. You deserve to treat yourself kindly and gently.
Grief Therapy in Austin, TX
There is no ‘fixed’ destination when it comes to grief recovery. The same may be true for chronic pain, depending on your particular situation. You don’t need to “get anywhere” today. Focus on being kind to yourself, honoring patience, and striving to keep your self-esteem intact.
All losses can be so tender, and there’s no time-limited strategy for recovery. Because all loss and grief are inherently unique, it may be important to share and witness it with a safe person. If you feel like you’re unable to cope, therapy therapy can offer guidance, compassion, and support toward healing. You don’t have to navigate this tenuous time alone. Please contact me today to get started.