Coping with a colleague’s death can be logistically and emotionally difficult. While other types of losses, such as the death of a spouse, friend, or family member, are often talked openly about, the complex experience of losing a coworker isn’t always as readily named.
That said, the average full-time employee works just about 37 hours per week– there’s a good chance you spend more time with coworkers than you do with some loved ones. This kind of loss can affect you both logistically and emotionally. Here are some gentle reminders that may help you navigate your grieving process.
Acknowledge How You Feel
Like with any grief, all your emotions about how, why, or when your colleague died are reasonable and valid. You may feel sad, angry, afraid, confused, or even shocked about the loss. These reactions are typical and likely speak to the richness of your work relationships.
Rather than trying to “do anything” with your feelings, simply allow yourself to acknowledge them. It’s okay to label the loss as significant if it feels significant to you. Relationships with coworkers can feel incredibly monumental and intimate.
At the same time, you might notice that you don’t have much of a reaction to the loss. Other employees may be crying or unable to work even if you feel “fine.” This kind of reaction can trigger its own anxiety and discomfort.
No matter how you feel right now, your grieving process is personal to you. There is no right or wrong way to take in this news, and you shouldn’t compare yourself to how other colleagues are grieving.
Consider If You Want to Attend Any Services or Memorials
Sometimes workplaces have their own tributes, and attending them can offer a sense of camaraderie and closeness among coworkers. It may also allow you to pay your respects in a way that feels honorable to the working relationship.
If your company isn’t hosting any type of service, consider speaking to your manager or HR department. You may be able to assist with coordinating one within your office.
Extended family or loved ones may reach out to you about funerals or other services. Ultimately, it’s a personal decision to choose if you want to attend. Consider your comfort level and relationship. In general, if you’re not sure whether you’d like to go to the funeral, consider yourself a year from today. If you could step into that version of yourself, what would you tell your current self to do?
Check In With Your Other Colleagues
The death of a colleague can unquestionably affect workplace morale and the emotional well-being of an entire team. While you aren’t responsible for shouldering anyone else’s wellness, it can feel gracious to offer support to your colleagues.
Simply asking, “how have you been doing today?” or even acknowledging, “It’s been hard on me since she’s been gone,” offers a sense of connection and care. You modeling comfort in sharing your own emotions may encourage others to do the same.
Some workplaces offer grief counseling options through an employee assistance program. Employee assistance programs can also refer employees to various services, including short-term and long-term therapy. If you sense a coworker is struggling, consider approaching this option with them.
Finally, remember that it’s common for colleagues to grieve in various ways. Some people may want to talk about their feelings openly and regularly. Others might prefer to work alone in silence. No matter how someone presents, aim to respect their preferences and boundaries.
Maintain a Sense of Routine and Practice Self-Care
Throughout the grieving process, it can feel challenging to manage your intense emotions while still grappling with all the necessary duties of daily life. There’s no “normal” way to cope, but many people find it helpful to ground themselves with some structure. Having a predictable rhythm can provide an important sense of stability during a time of upheaval.
Spend time with friends and family members outside of work: Sometimes it’s helpful to connect with people who are not directly involved with the loss or with your job. Your friends can provide emotional support and even offer much-needed distraction if you’re having a particularly challenging time.
Spend time in nature: Going outside can be beneficial for your emotional health, and it may promote a sense of calmness and balance. Even though this doesn’t eliminate the feelings of grief, feeling grounded sometimes dulls its acute intensity.
Set work-life boundaries: You may feel tempted to spend more time in the workplace or with other employees. While this is a normal reaction to loss, be mindful of your own professional limits and prioritize your needs as well.
Seek Your Own Professional Support
Regardless of your relationship with your coworker, any loss can trigger complex feelings about life, work, and everything in between. You are not alone in your struggles, but therapy can offer a sense of safety and support as you navigate this difficult time.
As a grief therapist, I specialize in helping people process death and other losses. Your story and feelings matter, and therapy provides a space for those needs to be witnessed. If you feel stuck, confused, or overwhelmed by grief, I would be honored to offer you guidance and support.
Contact me today to get started.