Grief affects us in ways no other tragedy does. The experience of grief is so raw and real, and it’s such an intense reminder of the varied emotions we humans experience in this life.
It can, in every way, feel entirely exhaustive. And if you feel overwhelmed by grief, you are not alone. You are having a normal response to a significant loss.
In a strange sequence of events, even though your perception of time may be that it’s standing still, the outside world continues moving. With that, you may need to take care of other family members or return to work despite feeling overwhelmed.
What Does Feeling Overwhelmed By Grief Look Like?
Many people worry that their intense feelings after grief and loss are somehow wrong. Unfortunately, we also live in a society that often stigmatizes mental health and the grieving process at large.
The truth is that all grief, even unresolved grief, is valid. There is no wrong way to feel. With that, there’s really no definition of ‘normal grief.’
However, feeling overwhelmed by grief may take the form of:
- feeling afraid that things will never get better
- experiencing an intense sorrow or longing for the person who died
- feeling like you can’t keep up with the pace of your daily life
- difficulty concentrating on other relationships or tasks
- total apathy (no longer feeling interested in usual activities)
- a sense of survivor’s guilt or wishing you had been the one who died
- chronic numbness
- intense depression
- anxiety symptoms or fears of losing another loved one
While these symptoms can be extremely challenging, they may ebb and flow in intensity. Some people find that some days are much easier than others ones. Some notice that their grief symptoms show up immediately, whereas others feel them come on with a more delayed onset.
Is Grief Inherently Overwhelming?
All grief is profound, but ‘overwhelming’ is a subjective term because it refers to an individualized emotional response. Some risk factors indicating that a particular type of grief may be overwhelming include:
- feeling like you have limited or no external support
- a recent succession of deaths or other significant loss
- the nature of the relationship you had with the person who died
- your own cultural or spiritual beliefs
- other current life stressors
Regardless of your particular circumstances, here’s how you can honor your feelings while still taking care of your needs.
How to Manage When Grief Feels Overwhelming
Intense grief can feel physically and emotionally dysregulating. All grieving is uniquely individual, but it may be helpful to lean on some strategies that have helped others during their process. Here are some strategies to help you cope with your strong feelings.
Be Patient With Yourself (And Your Intense Emotions)
People often want to put a timeline on the grieving process, but grief doesn’t work on such a cut-and-dry linear path. There’s truly no right or wrong way to feel, and it’s normal to experience grief in fluctuating waves of intensity.
During the early stages, acute grief can feel insurmountable. You may experience anything from extreme rage to profound anxiety. You might also feel numb completely.
With all this in mind, keep reminding yourself that these feelings are completely normal. Patience means allowing yourself to accept your reactions for what they are. When we place expectations for how we should feel, we risk perpetuating more guilt, fear, or additional pain.
Focus on Taking Gentle Action
Some people try to power through their grief by keeping themselves so busy that they don’t have time to think or feel. Others might feel so consumed by their feelings that they can’t get out of bed or complete their basic routines. Some fall somewhere in between.
If life feels overwhelming, try to find more of a middle ground during this difficult time. Gentle action can mean making a simple to-do list and completing those tasks to move through your day, even if you feel physically unable to do anything.
These tasks aren’t intended to distract or prevent you from feeling your feelings. They merely act as tiny reminders that you deserve to take care of yourself and participate in life.
You may find it difficult to spend time focusing on tasks that feel ‘meaningless’ compared to the grief. That’s a normal reaction. However, it can be helpful to reframe this as a form of self-care and actually honoring the grief itself.
Trust Your Emotional Pain and Give Yourself Extra Love
Pain scares many people, but it may feel grounding to trust that your mind and body know what’s best for you.
It’s especially normal to feel guilty after the death of a close family member. You may find yourself feeling remorseful about choices you did or didn’t make. Your guilt may lead you to believe you’re responsible for the loss itself.
Try to stay connected with yourself as you navigate grief. Self-care doesn’t necessarily change your emotions, but it can help you stay regulated and present with yourself.
Take Care of Your Trauma Triggers
Sometimes feeling overwhelmed by grief brings up unresolved traumas or can heighten symptoms associated with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). This may happen when the loss was unexpected, or the grief itself feels disenfranchised or compounded over time.
Trauma triggers come in many forms, but you should be mindful of any tendencies to:
- engage in excessive avoidance
- project anger or sadness onto others
- make overly impulsive decisions that don’t honor your well-being
- physically hurt yourself
Grief and trauma can also go hand-in-hand, and many types of losses can be inherently traumatic (such as surviving a car accident where others died).
Seek Support
Many people feel so alone in their grief. They may even feel isolated from other family members when it comes to their emotions. This is especially true in cases of complicated grief (sometimes known as persistent complex bereavement disorder or prolonged grief disorder), bereavement overload, or when the specific grief triggers mixed feelings, such as guilt or relief.
Research shows that grief support groups can help people understand and cope with their grief. In these types of groups, you can connect with other people who share common feelings of anger, sadness, shame, or depression.
Don’t Try to Force Acceptance
Many people think of acceptance as the end stage of grief. And while acceptance may be embedded within the grieving process, that doesn’t mean you need to rush yourself into getting there.
Grief healing needs to be fluid and organic. You can’t just tell yourself that your pain doesn’t exist, especially when you’re healing from a loved one’s death.
And if you experience denial or sadness, as so many people do, you should trust that these are entirely typical responses to experiencing such a significant loss. Most people do feel stuck after losing a loved one or when experiencing complicated grief.
Acceptance also isn’t some nirvana-like state absent of sadness, anxiety, or guilt. Instead, achieving acceptance means you can integrate the death of a loved one as you move through life.
Be Mindful of Self-Sabotage
It’s normal to feel angry, scared, or hopeless after a loss. Amid any major stressor, many people cope in ways they aren’t always proud of. All coping is an attempt to mitigate emotional pain, and we all deal with emotional pain with the tools that seem most effective.
Try to give yourself grace as you navigate these emotions and coping responses. You are human, and there’s such a learning process associated with self-care and self-compassion.
That said, certain responses can create more problems and prolong a sense of suffering. For instance, substance abuse, suicidal feelings, intentional self-harm, and persistent thoughts of hurting someone or seeking revenge may provide immediate relief. But they can be incredibly worrisome and lead you down a dangerous path.
If you’re concerned about your well-being (or the safety of someone else), consider seeking professional guidance from a mental health professional. You are not a bad person for how you are reacting, but it’s important to have support and learn healthier ways to cope with your grief.
Grief Therapy for Complicated Grief in Austin, TX
Although it’s a universal experience, we live in a society where grief remains a relatively taboo topic. Loss hurts, and if you feel stuck or anxious about your grieving process, grief therapy can help you navigate your complex emotions.
I am here to support you during this vulnerable time. No matter how your grief feels right now, you don’t have to walk through it alone. You deserve for your feelings to be witnessed and cared for. As a grief therapist, this is about offering you genuine space to show up exactly as you are- without any expectations for how you “should” be.
Please contact me today if you’d like to get started.