Cognitive changes are part of normal aging. After all, everyone occasionally forgets a name or misplaces their keys. But when new symptoms of memory loss, disorientation, or changes in cognitive function start to feel persistent, it can bring up intense fear, guilt, and grief.
If you’re starting to notice mild cognitive impairment (MCI) or are concerned about worsening memory problems, it’s important to remember you can cope while adjusting to these changes.
As a therapist who specializes in older adults and chronic, complex medical concerns, I understand how deeply early cognitive decline can impact emotional well-being. It often represents its own unique grief process, and it’s important to honor that grief for what it is. With that, here are some gentle guidelines to keep in mind if you’re experiencing these changes.
Normalize and Validate Your Emotional Experience
All change is complex, and unwanted changes generally come with a significant sense of upheaval. It makes sense to feel afraid or angry about your current circumstances.
You may be grieving parts of your intellect or fear losing independence. You might also worry about what the future holds or burdening loved ones. These reactions are valid, and you’re allowed to simply acknowledge them for what they are.
It’s a good practice to try to meet your emotions with a sense of self-compassion. Self-compassion means treating yourself with the same kindness and support you’d offer someone else in a similar situation. It also means acknowledging that, to some extent, suffering is universal, and you’re not alone in experiencing emotional pain.
If naming and validating emotions is hard, therapy can help. Many people simply don’t have much practice sitting with their feelings. Therapy offers a valuable experience in just slowing down, witnessing your inner world, and having space without judgment.
Learn How to Regulate Your Nervous System
Research shows that heightened stress can affect memory and other mental abilities. When the brain is in a routine state of fight-or-flight, it may even accelerate cognitive impairment.
Managing stress rarely comes down to generic platitudes. It’s not enough to say, practice self-care or get enough sleep! In an overarching sense, you want to focus on implementing strategies that support emotional regulation, sending a sense of calm to your nervous system when anxiety sets in.
Grounding techniques: Learn how to orient yourself to the here and now with mindfulness exercises, including touching comforting textures, deep belly breathing, or simply noting 5 things you can see, 4 you can feel, 3 you can hear, 2 you can smell, and 1 you can taste. This brings you to the present moment, reducing panicky feelings.
Mindful movement: If you’re able to engage in physical activity, this can offer a sense of anchoring as you move through daily life. Listen to your body to guide you into which movements are best: you may need to experiment with different options to find what works best for you.
Body-based awareness: Many people experience immense connection through body-based activities like yoga, breathwork, or tai chi. These can reduce stress, helping you feel more grounded in daily living.
Honor and Be Proactive in Building Memory Support Structures
Forgetfulness can feel disturbing, but aided support can help you still engage in your normal daily activities without as much disruption. Now may be a good time to start implementing consistent, practical strategies, such as:
- using a daily planner or calendar synced up with routine reminders
- writing to-do lists and keeping them in visible locations, such as on your fridge or bedroom nightstand
- keeping essential items (keys, phone, wallet) in the same place when at home
- labeling drawers or cabinets for simpler cognitive recall
- setting alarms to signify needing to get ready for certain activities
Gently Engage Your Brain
Many find it valuable to continue stimulating themselves mentally. The key is to engage in activities that you find reasonable and enjoyable- this helps it feel more like self-care, rather than a dreaded obligation. If participating in certain activities induces a sense of panic or shame, it might make you feel worse about yourself.
People respond to different types of activities, but you might consider:
- word searches or puzzles
- video games
- reading or listening to audiobooks
- writing or drawing
- learning a new skill in small, incremental doses
- engaging in a former hobby that once evoked meaning or joy
- volunteering your time
Engagement doesn’t need to be an all-or-nothing process, and don’t let perfection be the enemy of good. Focus less on whether certain activities “engage” your brain and more on how they help you simply feel connected to yourself and the world around you.
Engage in Legacy and Meaning-Making if Desired
Early signs of cognitive impairment can threaten your sense of self. Significant memory problems, in particular, might put everything into question: your identity, your sense of safety in the world, and your purpose as a whole. It often feels painful to reconcile these stressors, but working with them sometimes opens space for deeper self-reflection and meaning.
That said, you might focus on various ways you can cultivate passion, meaning, and legacy by:
Exploring life stories: What were the most pivotal parts of your life? How did those events and relationships shape you? Do you have any regrets? If so, processing them often feels deeply empowering. Some people find it helpful to express how they feel in a journal, whereas others prefer to share such thoughts with others, such as with a support group or therapist.
Engaging in legacy work: Some people find it helpful to focus on what they want to leave behind as they approach their aging process. Legacy work is multifaceted and may include writing letters to loved ones, creating photo albums, revising wills and trusts, donating to charity, and reorienting their schedules to spend more time doing the things they love.
Treating other mental health concerns: Depression, anxiety, and other mental health conditions can exacerbate the difficulties of cognitive impairment. Therapy can offer you more relief and guidance as you navigate these various symptoms, potentially creating more space for harnessing joy or pride.
Seek Professional Support
Loneliness is one of the strongest risk factors for mental health issues in older adults. Some people have a robust support network or a trusted friend or family member who can hold their emotions. But others might struggle to open up about their needs or worry about their ability to remain stable amid this uncertainty.
Regardless of your specific situation, any emotional distress is valid. If you’re struggling to feel connected to your everyday activities or feel increasingly hopeless, irritable, or scared, therapy can provide you with a greater sense of regulation and emotional safety.
While there’s no perfect time to start therapy, you might consider reaching out to a professional if you:
- continue to experience ongoing fears around losing control or becoming a burden to others
- are increasingly worried you might develop dementia or other relevant medical conditions
- have immense grief or anger around ‘normal cognition’ compared to your memory or thinking skills
- recently had mild cognitive impairment diagnosed and feel overwhelmed
- have past themes of unresolved grief or abandonment resurfacing
- are managing other relevant stressors, including caregiving, retirement, empty nest syndrome, and more
- have a history of medical trauma or other difficulties with healthcare providers
Therapy for Cognitive Impairment, Alzheimer’s Disease, and Other Dementias
All cognitive changes can undoubtedly be challenging for both individuals and their loved ones. Even if you feel panicked or frustrated, it’s important to hold onto hope and connection.
It’s common for people to struggle with their mental health when dealing with cognitive concerns. Therapy can offer a stable sense of peace and guidance as you navigate these symptoms and adjust to a new way of being.
In my practice, I specialize in supporting aging adults and their caregivers with cognitive impairment, neurodegenerative diseases, and other memory issues. I also support clients through all stages of cancer. If you would like to learn more about my specific services, please contact me today to schedule an initial consultation.